Honor: 72 [ Give / Take ]
32 entries this month
19:16 Aug 27 2010
Times Read: 1,058
I've been sleeping a lot lately. I've been dreaming a lot lately too. I've been dreaming about death, dead bodies, and killing mostly. Last night I dreamed I killed someone by pounding a set of biscuit cutters into their skull.
It only got more bizarre from there.
Things really arent much better when I'm awake. I feel obsolete in more ways than one these days. I live in a world where everything I touch goes terribly wrong. Yet there's question as to why I just want to sleep. Sometimes the torture I face in my sleep beats the alternative.
I have much more on my mind, but I can't say it here. Or anywhere for that matter. Its not worth it.
01:49 Aug 24 2010
Times Read: 1,090
I'm thoroughly fucking annoyed.
... ramble on...
23:29 Aug 22 2010
Times Read: 1,104
I wanna see your pussay show it to me! Show me the pussay, show it to me!
My thundercat loves me, he sleeps in my room with me so I'm not lonely.
Show me how it ends it's alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
satisfied and empty inside
Well, that's alright, let's give this another try
Do you think that we ever see a true person? Do they share the best or the worst of themselves? If one were to show their soul to you what would it look like. Are what we see on a daily basis what one truely is, or a hallow empty angry excuse for a being?
would you know my name..if I saw you in heaven.. will it be the same if I saw you in heaven...
Will I see you on the other side? Will I fell the same as I did before? Will I love you, or loathe you?
Blah I'll finish this another time.
things I've learned today:
04:59 Aug 22 2010
Times Read: 1,118
There are more people on VR that have a lot of cats than I knew about. (A lot being 5+)
And...
Responsibility sucks, but it isn't that difficult. I just don't know why so many people fail at it.
blah
04:42 Aug 22 2010
Times Read: 1,119
Have I mentioned how much I just love bad dreams? =l
Had another one today, maybe I'll dump it in my jourrnal on my lunch break. Then again, maybe I won't. We'll see.
PRIVATE ENTRY
03:54 Aug 20 2010
Times Read: 1,128
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03:11 Aug 19 2010
Times Read: 1,141
I feel some writing that needs to be done.
I'm just not sure where to do it.
disgruntled little shit
04:20 Aug 18 2010
Times Read: 1,162
Well he's definitely going to be an asshole about the new additions.
Thundercat and I just had a fight. =/
I was trying to pet him and he decided he was going to go beserk. Little turd.
He drew blood, and I stuck his ass in the goddamn shower for it.
He's pissed off and licking himself in the corner. Bastard.
phase I12:31 Aug 17 2010
Times Read: 1,215
WildChild did a pretty good job. =) I was a little unsure wether he'd be able to follow my sketch that closely. (*whispers* I've seen his handwriting. O.O)
The girls I work with freaked out a little when I had them take this pic for me. They said it looks more painful than a tatoo. I just shrugged and told them I've never had a tatoo. It's a little more painful than I remember the last one being. Or maybe its been long enough I forgot. I'll post another pic when we complete the next phase.
Nice!05:19 Aug 17 2010
Times Read: 1,235
These are beautifully gothic! Perfect to home a gift for the one you love, or for that simply vampyric proposal. ;) LOVE EM!!!
well crap. looks like i accidentially removed someone's journal fom my favorites. =/ thats what happens with my touch screen. i have no idea who i removed, so let me know if it was you. thanks. =)
04:53 Aug 17 2010
Times Read: 1,239
well crap
23:29 Aug 16 2010
Times Read: 1,257
It seems that all work and no play makes PD feel pain easier. *shrug*
We'll see what it looks like when its done being inflamed.
o.o oy vey
22:12 Aug 16 2010
Times Read: 1,264
here we go again
Heres's to pain tolerence.
O.O01:43 Aug 16 2010
Times Read: 1,278
Beep beep beep fire! FIRE!
Not a nice way to wake up. Yes our fire alarm actually says fire! Fire! WC was pretty amused by it.
Oh well. Movie time!
PRIVATE ENTRY
18:54 Aug 15 2010
Times Read: 1,295
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
.!.. ..!.
18:49 Aug 15 2010
Times Read: 1,298
just because!
19:54 Aug 13 2010
Times Read: 1,356
I think I over did it the last week. My lower back is killing me.
Humble Goth. Isn't that an oxymoron?
19:52 Aug 13 2010
Times Read: 1,357
haha I know. The headline has absolutely nothing to do with my entry.
It sucks how fast I get down when my friends or family leave town.
I miss when I used to quasi fit in. I don't have a whole lot in common with people around here. Granted, I'm not as active socially here either. I don't just go out and make friends.
The people I work with are drinkers. Heavy drinkers. I've passed that stage in my life. So I don't have much in common with them.
I have a few friends that I've made here I'm sure will be lifelong friends. I just miss being surrounded by loved ones.
Oy vey
18:05 Aug 12 2010
Times Read: 1,379
WildChild is installing new bits I got for the PC.
Entertaining doesn't begin to cover this.
The cat has stolen the box, and the packing shizzle. He has scattered them about the room and filled them with little toothy puncture holes. (Kinda reminds me of WC's feet. Heheh)
The four letter words have been flying since last night. Originally we had the wrong part, but we exchanged it this morning. It's kind of fun to watch him dick with it. I should give him more projects like this.
So I'm laying on the floor minding my own bidness with my back to him, and I guess in the installiation process he gets bored because he shoots me in the ass with the canned air. O.O I yell 'gaawddamnit! Don't shoot me in the ass with that shit, I told you my sister burned me with it when we were little!!!' In an almost cartman like voice. In reality it was probably frostbite or something, but it burned like a sumbitch. Luckily today I'm wearing jeans so no frost bitten ass for me.
I go back to minding my own business, and I feel/hear *BANG*BANG*BANG* I sit up. "Why are you beating on the electronics?" O.o? "Because I'm shortbus like that." *I think about it for a few minutes* "oh, ok" and go back to what I'm doing.
Well after several verbal rounds, and a little abuse he has it functional. I swear the man thinks that things work better if you spank them first, be it electronics or women.
:(
06:26 Aug 12 2010
Times Read: 1,384
my sister leaves tomorrow
o_0
18:12 Aug 11 2010
Times Read: 1,411
WC is rearranging the living room...
*wait for it*
...... in .... the.... buff. o.o
not happy
04:38 Aug 10 2010
Times Read: 1,427
would be a good description of me at the moment
PRIVATE ENTRY
23:44 Aug 08 2010
Times Read: 1,436
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
PRIVATE ENTRY
23:42 Aug 08 2010
Times Read: 1,437
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13:14 Aug 08 2010
Times Read: 1,452
I think I'm going to avoid VR for a bit.
I have too much other stuff going on.
04:49 Aug 08 2010
Times Read: 1,469
I had a great time at rocky mountain national park with my sister. After a very exhausting 18 hour day I could pass out for about 12 hours. Wouldn't that be nice.
PRIVATE ENTRY
04:46 Aug 08 2010
Times Read: 1,470
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
10:28 Aug 06 2010
Times Read: 1,487
hmmm I'm itching to get branded.
I wonder when I can manage that.
my WildChild
19:23 Aug 04 2010
Times Read: 1,538
I adore him. Very much so.
We have our good times, and our bad. Just like any relationship.
We started out rather unconventional. Something new to me, but not to him. I'd never been in a relationship with someone who was already in a relationship before. It was interesting I'll give it that. Fun at first, but not for long. He and I being together was his wifes idea. He gets a toy, she gets someone to watch her mob of children while they work. It worked out pretty well for all of us. Until she developed the delusional idea that *I* was the cause of their marital problems. I've been told on more than one occasion and from several different people, that ship was sinking when I climbed aboard.
I'm not going to go into all of the petty details, as I'm not completly done being angry about all of them. To sum it up, I was not provided the financial funding that was agreed upon for all of the childcare I provided. And I was being treated like a leper by the person who's idea it was to move me out here with them. She then decides that she wants to throw me out of her house with no money, and no place to go. Keep in mind I had been nothing but nice to this person aside from one moment of brutal honesty when I was tired of being pushed around by her. I was nice to her, even after she had the nerve to fucking assault me. She really showed her character that night. I never thought I would know someone cowardly enough to punch someone in the back of the head while they are walking away from you.
Anyway, WildChild wouldn't let her throw me out. He knew the problems in their relationship were the two of them, and not me. He refused to let her use, and discard me like she's proven to do with so many other people in her life. He put his foot down when I really needed him to, and he did it without my asking. That, to me says something about *his* character. He and I didn't even love each other at that point in time, and he stood up for me. He protected me when I had no one else.
Since then, he sat by me when I was in the hospital. He left my side only to sleep and eat. He's comforted me when I've grieved, held me when I've cried, put up with me when I've been moody, yelled, and even stood by me when I made the decision to take meds to take the edge off. He's shown me that I can trust again. He's proven to me that I can be with a man and not worry about if or when I'm going to be hit out of anger.
Yes we get on each others damn nerves sometimes. I haven't lived with a person who hasn't driven me absolutely crazy at some point or another. Are there things I would change about our relationship? Sure there are. Are there things I would change about him? Maybe a couple. Don't get me wrong. I'm no fucking saint. I'm just as flawed as everyone else. I'm moody, I sleep too much, I suffer from depression, I'm somewhat of a slob, and my energy levels are downright sporadic. We all have issues.
Yeah, it's been a while since he's worked. But I'm not a nagging bitch. Nagging or shaming him isn't productive in my mind. It will happen when it happens. I know he tries. I know somedays he doesn't try as hard as others, but I know how discouraging job hunting can be. Sometimes you need to take a break to be on top of your game.
I support him because I love him. I support him because he supported me when I didn't love him. We've given to and taken fom each other. In my mind that's how things are supposed to work.
Will we be together forever? Hell if I know. Will we be together next year? I don't know that either. What I do know, is that we're together right now, and even though there are days when I'm frustrated with him or vice versa, I still adore him. He may not be perfect, but no one is. He IS however, a good man.
Getting a bit out of hand don't you think?
03:20 Aug 03 2010
Times Read: 1,587
Anger breeds Anger
Hate breeds Hate
and adding fuel to a fire doesn't help.
Did we think, just for a second, that I might perhaps have an opinion about all of the crap that's going on? Considering I'm in the middle of it. Not because I want to be mind you. I was GOING to stay the fuck out of it and let you all bicker it out like kids. Guess what? I'm tired of my name being thrown around. I'm not a mother, a teacher, or a childcare provider. I shouldn't be dealing with childish behavior. I have half a mind to avoid the goddamned internet until you all either sort it out, or just stop talking to, and ABOUT each other already. It's all petty and stupid.
I like the internet, I really do. I like to learn new things, and meet and banter with those with like minds. I don't like fighting, arguing, and I especially don't like having my name thrown around. My life is MY business. I love who I want, when I want, and why I want to. I have yet to have a relationship without a struggle, or some form of hardship. I find it unlikely that anyone else has either. It's up to ME to decide what I will, or won't put up with from the ones I love, and no one else.
Putting people down for their shortcomings isn't a nice thing to do. I'm sure we've all been on the giving and receiving end of that at some point in our lives. It doesn't make us a better person for doing it, and it doesn't help the person you're attempting to shame at all.
Stop threatening each other, stop fucking fighting already. If you don't like each other don't talk... not about each other either. Let it fucking go. It's a website. It's nothing to get worked up over. If you all really think you're going to get together and brawl over petty shit like this... I will point and laugh at you like the rest of the people in the world who do such idiotic things. =l
You people are my friends. I care about you. Which means I unfortunately expect a lot from you. I expect you all to be better than me. Better than you're being right now. Let it go.
It's the simple things =D
02:19 Aug 03 2010
Times Read: 1,595
I have strawberries...
I have whipped cream....
Oooooooo yeah!
And I'm making waffles for breakfast!
Hells to the yes. *grins*
oh kiddo
09:51 Aug 02 2010
Times Read: 1,616
well.. someday if you're up for it we'll have a conversation about your obsessive loathing for your maternal figure, your oedipus like relationships, and the viscious cycle you live in.
I guarantee you're not ready to hear it yet though.
COMMENTS
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PAGAN
19:25 Aug 27 2010
hey, *HUGS*